WITH THE EXTREME anger, rage and violence that we are experiencing today, many are concerned and feeling unsafe. Our seniors, a group that I am a member of, are acting afraid and people of all ages and cultures are worried and stressed.
AS A PROFESSIONAL people helper for over 45 years, I am working with people internationally to deal with the fear that can be crippling if we allow it.
EVERYONE EXPERIENCES insecurities. How come? In my opinion it is well meaning, caring amateur parents and society. Mankind has historically lived as a tribe or herd (society). Our loving and amateur parents, to socialize us and keep us safe, have taught us from the beginning to “fit in”; to be accepted to be loved That is the beginning of fear. We want to be accepted and loved and fear rejection.
WE ARE CREATED to appreciate fear. There is healthy, practical fear.. Left brained societies appreciate fear. FDR is noted for saying, “The only thing to fear is fear itself.”
MOST PEOPLE have a big, sloppy file cabinet marked Fear. And most of it is unreasonable.
HERE ARE the most common levels of fear:
APPREHENSION—let’s say we are walking up or down a steep stairway that doesn’t have a handrail. We want to be careful to prevent hurting ourselves.
CONCERN —requires one to do something, for example, a project. What could happen…. and so you take precautions.
FIGHT OR FLIGHT RESPONSE—Kill it or Run from it. This is an adrenal response.
THE SIGNALS from fear are kinesthesia; sensations, feelings, “emotions”. These signals surface through our body.
TEDDY ROOSEVELT said, “The best defense is the best offence.” You realize you cannot control another person’s emotions. Someone does not like you, you drive them away with anger.
ONE OF OUR STRONGEST fears is rejection and another is fear of loss of sense self. (Who we are)
ANGER IS A DANCE step of fear. It is a learned response. So how does one act angry? Here are few dance steps:
Take offense. Feel attacked. Take it personal.
Let it fester. “I’m right they’re wrong.”
Focus on unfairness and how wrong it is.
Shout, tense up, “I’m furious! I hate this!”
Hold grudges forever.
Surround yourself with very angry people.
REMEMBER THAT Scientific studies have determined that prolonged manifestations of anger are detrimental to the Heart and Brain.
WHAT TO DO?
IMAGINE you could be your own best friend. Go back through your mind and ask yourself, “How do I know when I’m fearful?” Keep it simple. We take for granted when we feel good and do not know how to sort for it. We do notice when we don’t feel good. Become more aware and look for the okay K and the not-okay K. That is an early warning system. I call it a burglar alarm. It will allow you to keep steering your own boat. Then take a deep breath and look around for the cause. It allows one to recognize unreasonable panic/fear and change our own response.
SINCE YOUR sense of self is so important, avoid saying, “I’m afraid” because you are simply “acting afraid.” It is not who you are, but a behavior. Your own words, thought and spoken create your sensations, feelings and emotions.
AVOID making an emotional decision. That is simply a learned response. You get to choose how to respond and how to keep yourself as safe as possible.
You can learn more experientially in our Chicago No Fault Psychology™ Other than Conscious Communication™ Fun Shop.
Or in our Edinburgh Fun Shop
Barbara J Stepp,
No Fault Psychology™
Other than Conscious Communication™
NLP® Master Trainer
Copyright Barbara J Stepp, Excellence Quest Training International